Friends,  Life Lessons

Personal Inventory: Comparison, Change & Other Grown Up Issues

I have had versions of this very post saved as drafts in my blog for quite some time, but I’m taking the time now to actually sit down and organize my thoughts, put it all out there, and press publish.

I’m a diehard people pleaser. Like, to my core. Nothing upsets me more than thinking about letting someone down, or meeting a low expectation that has been placed upon me. I give myself stomach aches overthinking and overanalyzing everything, and being a mom has magnified this trait in me even more.

Here are three areas I’m working hard to conquer right now.

The Burden of Social Media
Last night, I actually wondered how much happier I would be if I didn’t have Instagram, and I didn’t see all these mothers that have their entire families on raw, whole food diets on a daily basis. If I didn’t have to scroll through pics moms who make homemade play-doh and get up at 4am every morning for french-press coffee by their huge window while they faithfully and obediently read sixteen chapters in their Bible.

Instead of feeling inferior, I’m going to make it my goal to let it motivate me. Without those moms who post about their raw/whole food diets, for example, I wouldn’t be making a conscious effort to make myself, Porter & Paul fresh juices and smoothies each day. I may not do it for every meal, but once a day is a huge leap in the right direction for me. My fridge is stocked with more greens and produce than it ever has been before, but only because I made the decision to be encouraged rather than defeated.

Growing Up & Letting Go
It’s always been a struggle for me… change. I always thought of myself as a “go with the flow” kind of girl, but I’m not at all. Recently, I’ve seen this in my relationships. Truth is, friends are going to walk away, I have to be ok with that. Priorities change – mine included – so I can’t be surprised or hurt when priorities change for others, too. The ones that are in my life for the long haul will become clearer and clearer over the years – this has already proven true. Relationships should get easier, not more difficult. If they become difficult, something has to change – or, maybe something already has. Either way, when change does come… I. Have. To. Accept. It. I have to thank God for the vision to see beyond the heartache or frustration, and keep moving.

On the same note, there are people in my life who have been there – steadfast and supportive – for years… and I didn’t even notice. It saddens me for a minute, until I realize it’s never too late to nurture those friendships. Take inventory of your relationships now and then – you may be surprised at what you find.

Becoming My Biggest Fan
I make underhanded comments a lot… to myself. It wasn’t until my husband brought it up (that he hates when I do it) that I really took a good hard look at the way I talk to myself when I didn’t think anyone was listening. “This looks disgusting.” “My hair looks horrible.” “Nothing looks good on me.” “I feel so gross.” I say those things a lot. Way too often.

I realized that if my husband hears me, then that means that Porter hears me too. Soon, he’s going to understand what I’m saying, and I don’t want him to think his mother is unhappy with herself. He deserves a strong, confident mother than knows her worth and not only walks it out, but speaks it too. Truth is, for the hundreds of things I want to improve, there are a hundred and one things I love. I just don’t address those audibly.

I should. I should smile at myself more in the mirror, rather than wrinkling my forehead or turning sideways and looking at myself from every angle for fifteen minutes before I leave the house. I should be proactive about my image – if I hate how I look when I don’t get dressed in the mornings, I should pick out my outfits the night before so it’s ready for me when my alarm goes off.

What about you? Have you ever felt like the pressure to be the “perfect mom” is magnified by the hugeness that is social media? What about the waves of change that inevitably come… how do you deal? Do you give yourself enough credit, or are you your own worst critic? Feel free to comment below; I would love to hear some feedback on these grown-up-issues that don’t have to do with wave spray or BB cream 😉

8 Comments

  • allison wall

    This is so beautiful, so honest and so spot on! I get so caught up in comparison, but then realize that if I'm feeling inferior, these other women might be, too. And moving every nine months, not knowing where we'll be going until a few months before, having Stephen's whole career unknown, is too much change for me to think about and handle! And sometimes I feel guilty in thinking "I look good today" or "this dinner I just made is amazing!", but I shouldn't feel guilty, I should feel proud! …And then give all those insecurities and worries and praise over to God, who knows our worth and our plan and can calm any storm raging inside us. But remembering to do that can be hard. We fail, constantly, try again, succeed for a little while, and then fail and so on and so on. We will never be perfect or have it all figured out, but on this journey of change you have other mommas who share your thoughts and feelings and insecurities, so know you're never alone 🙂

  • Margaret Coucher

    I'm a new reader to your blog, and I am loving it! Pretty much everything in this post rang true for you, and I haven't really had a plan or even a thought to change it, just that I knew I had to. I love your motivation of being encouraged rather than discouraged and am going to take this into stride! Thank you so much for such an honest post! I loved it!

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