Ladies, We Can Do Better

This was originally a post I made in my women’s group, after a plethora of anonymous questions and concerns about infidelity and emotional affairs. I felt compelled to challenge the 12k women in my group to do and demand better, as women… and a few of them asked me to make it public so they can share, so I’m reposting here. <3


I know… it takes two to tango. I know, it’s just as much the man’s fault as “the other woman”. Maybe even more! I know, I know, I know. But, I’m a woman. As an admin here, I’ve read too many anonymous posts from women who’s husbands are carrying on inappropriate relationships with other women. So, I’d just like to say: I don’t understand how any WOMAN can justify an intimate (emotional, or physical) relationship with a married man.
We have almost 12,000 women in this group. With how many posts we read about this happening weekly, I know there might be some women in here that have actually been the other woman. Or, ARE CURRENTLY the other woman. No judgement, but I’m here to challenge you.

If you have a married man you’re flirting with, or fantasizing about, or leading on, or imagining as your soul mate… stop it. He’s not your soul mate. He’s taken, and he didn’t choose you. You don’t need to be sloppy seconds, you can find a man FOR YOU. One that hasn’t already vowed to love, honor, and cherish another woman for the rest of his life. Have more respect for yourself, and have more respect for the woman wearing his wedding ring. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Stay away from another woman’s fish.

The way of the world is that “you can do/have/be whatever you want”. This is SO harmful. This tells us that nothing is off limits. Nothing is out of bounds. My pastor preached on this last week: you cannot be whatever you want to be, but you can be EVERYTHING God called you to be. He did not call you to be a mistress. He did not call you to break up a marriage. He did not call you to settle for less than the best, at the expense of temporary satisfaction. If you don’t believe in God, fine… you can be everything THE UNIVERSE called you to be. “The Universe” doesn’t call you to be someone’s mistress. “The Universe” wants more from you.

Sorry. Reading one of the anonymous posts today just pissed me off so much. I started wondering if “the other woman” was apart of this group. And how many more there might be, that we have no idea about.

As women, we march, we demand justice and rights, and we stand together when it matters… but then we secretly message each other’s husbands? NO. It’s not ok. Get it together, ladies. Respect the woman you’re holding hands with, literally and figuratively.

Anonymous Letter 1 – Tenacity


I wish you could see what I see. I wish you knew just what you are capable of, and what you truly deserve.
Why do we settle? Why do we keep spinning in circles, only to end up dizzy and out of sorts – and nowhere closer to happy? You deserve people in your world that will see what an incredible human you are: kind, compassionate, strong, loving. You’re not perfect, of course, none of us are… but you have resolve. You have tenacity. 
When I was eighteen, a real estate agent I worked with told me I was tenacious, and I’ve never forgotten it. Isn’t that strange? I find myself recalling that word often, and I think it’s such a beautiful trait… I’m honored that he thought of me when he thought of that word. What a compliment… in a sea of “you’re funny” and “you’re awesome”, hearing you’re tenacious can be a real eye-opener.
Do you know what tenacious means? It’s an adjective, and it means determined. Persistent. Tireless. It’s an unbelievable compliment, but man… it’s a bit loaded. But, friend, you really are tenacious.
The thing is, I know you’re tired. I know you’re losing resolve. I know you lay in bed at night and stare up at the ceiling, wondering how you got to where you are. The thousands of comments of encouragement and “you can do better” don’t as much encourage you as they defeat you. You already know, but you don’t believe that anything can change. That you’re not strong enough to be the change that you pray for every day. So, you fight to hold on… just one more day.
God made you tenacious. He gave you your fight, and it’s a beautiful trait – but tenacity can be misplaced, friend. When you want to be tenacious and hold onto something unhealthy, God wants you to put your foot down and tenaciously demand change. To demand better for yourself, and your family. To seek His will. He sees you as a beautiful creation. Sometimes, as women – we have to lead the way, and that means our tenacity is going to lead us to make hard decisions. Sometimes, little eyes are watching, and we can bravely show them what it truly means to be tenacious, especially in the face of adversity.
I wish you could see what I see. Your fight is your best quality, but it’s often misplaced. Fight, boldly, for good. Fight for change. Demand it, friend. I’m behind you. We’re all behind you.